Confusion.
WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE TRIGGERING TO SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE IN RECOVERY WITH AN EATING DISORDER, SELF-HARM, OR MENTAL ILLNESS. PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU'RE EASILY TRIGGERED.Among other things, I feel confusion. I'm just...feeling so sick, and...full of pain. Pain that I couldn't describe even if I wanted to, I don't know what to do anymore.
How did this all start hurting so goddamn bad? YOU WANT TO HURT ME MIA & ANA!?! GO AHEAD! BUT LEAVE MY FRIENDS, FAMILY, AND MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS ALONE!!!
Just...F*CK OFF AND LEAVE US ALONE!
What the hell am I doing anymore?
[ELECTRO WORLD] said:
hello
[ELECTRO WORLD] said:
k i'm gonna be flat out honest. I think this whole thinspo has gone too far and it's getting stupid.
[ELECTRO WORLD] said:
-.-
[ELECTRO WORLD] said:
350 calories today! WOOHOO -.- Like, it's kinda pathetic! I'm sorry but I have to be honest now .
[ELECTRO WORLD] said:
._.
[ELECTRO WORLD] said:
whatevs, i'm out. I feel sick .Imagine my surprise when I sat down to see such a skillfully written message flashing on my computer screen.
Stupid bulimia...stupid eating disorder..stupid me, just stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid ME.
Why did it have to end up like this?
WHY IS MY STUPID HEAD SO F*CKED UP?!Someone explain to me, why I can't stop this.
350 calories...350 calories...F*CK ME. I can't eat, I can't eat much more than that! My head is so screwed up! It's this thing inside of my body just gnawing at my insides tearing me apart. Anything more and I blow.
Oh and another thing..
.I'M A LIAR. OKAY! I'M A LIAR! I LIED TO YOU!. | 4/20/2009 |
| 9:03:39 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| I thought you were eating more than that? |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:03:50 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I...well... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:03:53 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| it's about time I changed that |
| yesterday..that was it.. |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:04:05 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| so you lied ot me |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:04:10 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| it's about time I changed that |
| But I have been eating more, yesterday I couldn't handle it.. |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:04:19 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I felt bad that I couldn't eat enough.. |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:04:27 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| you lied to me |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:04:41 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) I'm not here, obviously. And probably wont be back until 8-9ish |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I know... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:05:56 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I'm sorry... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:06:42 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| ... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:06:42 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| .. |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:06:55 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I'm so sorry... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:07:04 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| k |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:07:56 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I know you're mad../ |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:08:11 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| ya....that's a bit f an understatement |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:08:51 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| it's about time I changed that |
| I didn't..I mean...ugh...I didn't mean to lie to you... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:09:38 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| ok... |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:10:39 PM |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| it's about time I changed that |
| Say anything you want...I don't really care. |
| 4/20/2009 |
| 9:11:09 PM |
| it's about time I changed that |
| [x] Mii [x]---->(S) |
| I gotta go |
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! I CAN'T STOP! I CAN'T CONTROL THIS!!! I TRIED! I TRIED SO GODDAMN HARD BUT IT'S IN MY HEAD AND IT WONT LET ME GO!I swear to God, if this continues...I'm just going to kill myself, because it isn't worth it. I've already lost two people in one day!
GREAT JOB!It hurts...all the time, and I can't stop it. I tried, I tried so hard. I'm just pathetic, like she said...it's a sad and lonely life. If I had a choice, why would I be doing this? I wouldn't. I don't want to do this anymore...I don't.
I just feel like sawing my arm off, into tiny bits and pieces. I'm so angry, and in so much pain at the same time. I don't know if I want to die or just torture my body until it's crippled and immobile.
I should just DIE...because this isn't living.
What's wrong with me?Fading.Away.What's left of me?-Devi.
Comments (4)
love you really really need help.this is so abd. no way is having the perfect body worth the people you love. you dont want to be alone one day do you?
im gonna rec your post so that people read and help you.im so so so sorry for you
@aalluu - I know I do, I'm just not sure how anymore..I don't know what to do. It hurts so bad, I love them so much...I don't want to lose them to this! Yet, I can't stop no matter how hard I try. This is just killing me...
I don't want to have to be alone...
Thanks for your kind comment...<3
hey sweetie.. ive been following ur posts for a while.. remember these people dont understand the torture of an eating disorder.. that it becomes something alot more than the quest for the perfect body or to find urself.. u lose everything along the way.... along with ur sense of self respect... go and get help, professional help.. it will change ur life and way of thinking. Think about what your losing and take the plunge... it will be the hardest step u ever take but could save ur life.
I wish u all the luck possible
Lara xxx
You know, I know how you feel.
I was pretty thin wen I was like 15 now that I'm 17 I've gain a lot of weight.
I don't fit in my old jeans, my shirts fit tight against my love handles, I feel like throwing up every time I look at myself in the mirror.
I've gained weight in my arms, waist, stomach and legs and I feel awful.
I don't want to go out in public, I don't want to do anything. :c'
But seeing as I'm not the only one wanting to kill herself for being so grotesque, I might try harder on the whole not eating all day thing, I can make it to like 9:30pm without eating but then I cave in and feel horrible for it.
I given up on drinking soda forever, its been 3 months and I see no change in my body, I will try drinking plain old tea for the metabolism help.
I will be fucking pretty, even if it kills me.
People rather known for the pretty dead girl, then the fat living girl.