Trouble.Today started out like any other day, I woke up around 12:20, had a shower, and got dressed. Then I started pacing around the kitchen wondering what I should eat, and I thought to myself since I'd done really 'good' the whole weekend I could treat myself to plain pasta & tomato sauce(properly portioned of course). The sauce only had
70 calories per 1/2 cup. Then I checked the pasta and saw for 1/2 cup it had
385 calories!!! So I put it down, told myself I wasn't allowed to have it.
Then I started checking the labels on the things I used to eat when I was in recovery, and I found myself absolutely
DISGUSTED with how many grams of fat and how many calories these things contained.
So I paced a bit more, trying to figure out what I could eat in the little hell hole of my kitchen. Well...eventually I found chicken noodle soup with
50 calories for 1/4 of the package.
I tried to eat the first bowl of soup, I couldn't, poured it down the sink. I tried the second bowl (last half of the soup) and I practically devoured it like a pig. But even though rationally I knew it was only roughly
100 calories, I dashed into the washroom and threw up.
But something happened...something that hasn't actually happened before, I threw up blood. There was no mistaking it, I didn't eat anything red. When I was really sick I only had blood speckled bile, but never like this. First I thought it might have been my throat since my nails are a bit long, so I spat up a bit...and it wasn't. I'm a little scared...because I'm not ready to die. And the sad thing is my reasoning for this, I'm not ready to die because I'm not thin enough to die yet.
Intake-
M- nothing
L- Chicken noodle soup (purged) (30 just in case)
S- Salad w/ carrots & fat free dressing (45), yogurt (40), strawberries (20)
Other- 2 slices of white toast w/ 1 tbsp of honey (215)Total- 350 calories.FYI, if any of you want to talk, my email isnekromanticskittlegasmic@hotmail.com
Male Thinspiration, 
Fading.Love,-Devi.
Comments (7)
its sad cause alot of those boys are just naturally thin. but jesus the scene ones are hot as hell!!! a;dfljads;lfj but none of them would even glance at me cause I'm so freaking HUGE! they don't want a girlfriend whos bigger than them..
you should stop purging. thats terrifying to be puking up blood! honestly. I don't even know you and I would like it if you stayed alive.
great thinspo by the way. you sure do have alot!
awesome thinspo *drools*, but I would like it if you stayed alive as well.
Gross Photos. :/
bloody amazing. even though i dont like guys...lol
great i <3 it . i have been looking for some thinsporation . there is some beautiful self control displayed here , i only hope to get back mine . my goal is 75kg ( i'm 200cm ) i used to be it 6 years ago . had to play nice and dormant for a few years after an intervention .
fyi the blood is probably just ulcers , try Gavascon it'll help . i used to drink loads of it till i discovered it had sugar in it
I LOVE this post... I've been looking for a skinny guy's back as a reference for a drawing in which the shoulder blades will be sticking out, like they want to sprout into wings. What do you think of the drawing idea? This had some good candidates. They remind me of my naturally THIN bf, but urggghhh he's thinner than me!
well, obviously im not a male, but i am pro ana.
only been dealing with this for about a week.dying to be thin and will do anything to get that way.thanks for your site, (:ill comment often.